Not one that makes it smaller, and I would not trust one that promised to. What breathing can do in grief is keep you in your body while a wave goes through, so you do not have to brace against every one. Ninety seconds of allowing when it hits, a long exhale when it ebbs, and the Empty Chair room in the book for the weeks and months, which is mostly about letting the body grieve on its own schedule.
The steps
- When a wave arrives: stop what you are doing if you can. Sit.
- Breathe out long. Let the inhale take care of itself.
- Ninety seconds of letting it be as big as it is. No sentence, no fix.
- When it ebbs, one slate sentence: that was a wave, they are going to keep coming, I can do waves.
- Then the next ordinary thing: the kettle, the dog, the email.
- At night: the in-bed sequence, and no expectation of sleeping well yet.
When not to, and when to get help instead
Grief is not a disorder and does not need treating. If months in you cannot function, are not eating or sleeping at all, or have thoughts of not being here, that is depression or complicated grief and it deserves a clinician; in the U.S., 988 any hour. The breath is company, not medicine.
What the research says
There are no trials of breathing for grief that I would stand behind, and I will not invent one. Slow exhalation lowers arousal, which matters because grief comes with a lot of it. The “allowing” approach borrows from acceptance-based therapies with support in anxiety and depression. The rest is craft, and labeled so.
Other methods people use
Talking to one person who can bear to hear it. Grief groups, which have real evidence for isolation. Walking, daily, which does more than any breath. Sleep, when it comes.
Questions people also ask
Why does grief feel like it's in my chest and throat?
Because it is; the muscles of breathing and swallowing brace against crying. A long exhale with the jaw soft lets them do what they were trying to do.
How long should I expect grief waves to keep coming?
Longer than anyone tells you, and less often as time passes. The job is not to stop them but to stop bracing against each one.
In the book
Techniques
Rooms
Two rules, no exceptions
Never practice any technique on this site while you are driving, operating machinery, or doing anything that needs your full attention. The slow ones can make you drowsy, faster than you’d expect. And never practice a breath-hold, bellows breath, or any vigorous breathing in or near water. Read Before you begin for the doctor’s list and the rest.
More in “Life”
- What breathing helps new parents at 3 a.m. with a crying baby?
- How do I breathe through money stress and bad financial news?
- How do I teach a child to calm down with breathing?
- Can breathing help stuttering?
Written by Eric Bradley. Last reviewed October 2026. One performer’s craft, offered for general information; not medical advice, mental health treatment, or a substitute for care.