A long exhale before you pick them up, so you arrive at the crib slower than the crying. Babies read your breath; a parent breathing slowly is a signal they can borrow. Then exhale-weighted breaths while you hold them, your belly against theirs, and the Door when you hand off to the other parent: one long breath, leave it in the room.
The steps
- Before the crib: one physiological sigh, one long exhale. Then go in.
- Pick them up on an exhale. Hold them against your belly so they feel it move.
- Breathe four in, eight out, slowly, swaying if you sway. Hum if you hum; they feel that too.
- Do not try to feel calm. Try to breathe slow. Calm is optional; slow is doable.
- When you hand off: hand on the door, one long exhale, leave it.
- In your five minutes: the in-bed sequence, with no expectation.
When not to, and when to get help instead
If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or the baby, or you feel nothing at all for weeks, that is postpartum depression or anxiety, it is common, and it is treated; call your doctor or midwife today, or 988 in the U.S. If you are so tired you are afraid of what you might do, put the baby down safely in the crib and step out of the room; a crying baby in a crib is safe. Never any breathing practice while driving with a baby in the car.
What the research says
Mother–infant heart rhythms synchronize during face-to-face interaction in a study the book cites in the Baby Monitor room. Slow breathing lowers your own arousal within minutes. The rest is a very old piece of craft that every culture discovered: a slow, humming adult settles a baby. Nothing here treats colic or reflux, which are the pediatrician’s.
Other methods people use
Sleep when you can, in shifts, which beats any technique. Skin to skin. White noise. A village, if you can find one; the book’s Practicing It With Someone Else chapter is partly about that.
Questions people also ask
Can my baby tell when I'm stressed?
Babies respond to breathing rate, muscle tension and voice; a tense parent is harder to settle against. Slow your breath before the crib and let them borrow it.
What do I do when I'm too exhausted to stay calm with the baby?
Put the baby down safely and step out for two minutes. Three long exhales. That is not failing; it is what the safe-sleep guidance says to do.
In the book
Techniques
Rooms
Two rules, no exceptions
Never practice any technique on this site while you are driving, operating machinery, or doing anything that needs your full attention. The slow ones can make you drowsy, faster than you’d expect. And never practice a breath-hold, bellows breath, or any vigorous breathing in or near water. Read Before you begin for the doctor’s list and the rest.
More in “Life”
- Is there a breathing practice for grief?
- How do I breathe through money stress and bad financial news?
- How do I teach a child to calm down with breathing?
- Can breathing help stuttering?
Written by Eric Bradley. Last reviewed October 2026. One performer’s craft, offered for general information; not medical advice, mental health treatment, or a substitute for care.