Breathe slowly yourself, first, where they can see it; children borrow breath before they learn it. Then make the exhale a game: blow out an imaginary candle, fog a window, hiss like a snake, blow a feather across the table. Long exhales, no counting, no breath-holds, and never in the middle of the meltdown, only after, when they can hear you.
The steps
- In the meltdown: your breath slows, your voice drops, you get low. That is the lesson.
- After, when they are back: play the exhale game. Candle, window, snake, feather, bubbles.
- Make it theirs: let them pick the animal or the sound.
- Practice when nothing is wrong, at bedtime or in the bath with an adult, so it is there when something is.
- Name it for them: when your tummy feels tight, we do snake breaths.
- Keep it to a few breaths. Children do not need ten minutes.
When not to, and when to get help instead
No breath-holds for children, no fast breathing, and nothing in water without an adult’s hands free. Breathing is not a treatment for a child’s anxiety disorder or ADHD; it is one tool a parent can hand over, and the book’s FAQ is careful about that. A child who is anxious most days deserves a pediatrician’s ear.
What the research says
The evidence for breathing with children specifically is thin and the book says so; the trials that exist are of mindfulness-and-breathing programs for children with ADHD, with modest effects for some and none on top of intensive behavioral treatment. The physiology of the long exhale is the same at any age. The lead-by-breathing instruction is craft and common sense; children match the breathing rate of the adult holding them.
Other methods people use
Co-regulation, which is the clinical name for breathing slowly next to a dysregulated child, is the main thing. Picture books about feelings. Predictable routines. The Practicing It With Someone Else chapter has a one-person teaching script that works for kids with the words simplified.
Questions people also ask
At what age can a child learn breathing exercises?
The exhale games work from about three. Counting patterns from around six or seven. Before that, the only technique is yours: breathe slowly where they can see it.
Does breathing help kids with ADHD?
The trials are of broader mindfulness-and-breathing programs: modest help with attention for some children, done with a parent, alongside care and never instead of it. A long exhale before homework does no harm and sometimes helps.
In the book
Techniques
Rooms
Two rules, no exceptions
Never practice any technique on this site while you are driving, operating machinery, or doing anything that needs your full attention. The slow ones can make you drowsy, faster than you’d expect. And never practice a breath-hold, bellows breath, or any vigorous breathing in or near water. Read Before you begin for the doctor’s list and the rest.
More in “Life”
- Is there a breathing practice for grief?
- What breathing helps new parents at 3 a.m. with a crying baby?
- How do I breathe through money stress and bad financial news?
- Can breathing help stuttering?
Written by Eric Bradley. Last reviewed October 2026. One performer’s craft, offered for general information; not medical advice, mental health treatment, or a substitute for care.